Pimpology

I wouldn’t trade with anyone. For their sake as well as my own.  The right mix of things, good and bad, is what you need to have a decent life. Never thought life should always be happy. Not primarily happy. You never learn from success and you’ll never be happy if you always are.  Each day seems so easy.  I spend some time trying to make a few days a struggle.  Haven’t yet lived a day that was difficult.  I mean, goddam.  I always eat and sleep and have a roof over my head. Each and every day.  Go figure.  All the time giving out advice to others.  You should listen to me after I earn the right to offer advice.  You fuckers worry far too much.  what if? what if? what if?  Pretty sure you’ll rise to meet those what-ifs when you stumble across them.  Ain’t got no choice but to do it, bitch.

I got my $12.45 refunded today.  Turtle girl was there at the store.  Until today I never considered that a circumstance would exist when a person could laugh - and mean it - while feeling awful about what they did.  “what, no beer tonight? It’s a holiday.” “Thanks for reminding me. I may not get a chance to hit the beer store tomorrow.” “You have plans?” “Well, yeah. I’m gonna get lit.”  “You should party with Suzanne. She’s fun” “No, it wouldn’t be right. She always invites me to her Thursday Pool Hall thing. I never go.”  “If Suzanne ever makes broccoli casserole, it’s to die for.” “Yeah, she can cook. Kind of a lost art.”  “I was just joking yesterday. You drove away when I unlocked the door.” “That makes it funny. I expected you to never unlock the door.”  “I wouldn’t do that. I felt bad since you left.” “I waited for you to come by.”  “I thought you would be mad.” “I was, but if you came by I would have laughed.”  I stole a pack of rolling papers right before her eyes, and a pack of ‘nabs’ (ask Shee_Rah) then I left.

Except for that one kid, I’m glad I never had any kids.  They always let you down.  Stupid fuckers have a life of their own. You give ‘em advice and try to steer them in the right direction an they don’t comply.  Face it, you didn’t, either.  In the end they generally turn out to be happy people, regardless.  My parents still try to make me feel guilty. I called my father on Father’s Day. In large part because I worry there won’t be a lot more Father’s Days. He told me he cut the grass on “that lot” today. That lot is the one I abandoned.  I signed the deed over to him a year ago and told him to sell it.  He expects that I’ll return to build a house there (my house). He knew how much I loved that building lot.  It is the very best lot in the subdivision.  You could live there and look down on all the other losers. In south central Kentucky.  Iffin ya wanted to.  I’m the divorced child that always worries my parents.  The child that spends time with doomed addicted chicks.  The child that deserved much better - but somehow didn’t mind.  The child that never grew up.

Sarah Palin decided to resign as Alaska’s governor effective on the 26th.  Nobody knows this, but she is moving in with me.  We’ve had a on-going affair since early 2007.

I was pretty excited about taking the Sea-Doo to the lake this weekend.  I could still do it, but the N.C. registration is expired and I’m still waiting for a bill of sale.  The 4th of July is very likely the worst time to be cruising around on an unregistered watercraft. After towing it to the lake on an unregistered trailer with 2 broken taillights….note the missing tail light in the picture. The other one is merely busted.  Still, I might do it anyway. The thing is a lot of fun. More fun than you’d think.  I stayed completely dry after a half-hour of playing with it.  No, it doesn’t go 65mph. The specs say it only does 58.  I saw, maybe 50mph.  Makes your eyes water and the other side of the lake comes close every 10 seconds.  Thinking I’ll bring it with me Saturday.  You fuckers would have a blast riding it.

The Cognettis are leak-free.  For now.  I’m suspicious of the thin copper water pipes that currently are not leaking.  I did a google search and discovered that they did, indeed, approve thin-wall copper for residential construction a few decades ago.  They don’t allow it now. I wonder why?  It’s so damned reliable. (/snark)  Next time I want to install some plumbing in a wholly inaccesible location I’ll be sure to use some cheap, iffy, pipes.  The original part of their house looks to be in A-1 shape.  They don’t build ‘em as good as that anymore.  Worst case, they can bulldoze the newer parts and still have 1400 sq ft of reliable living space.

Stopped by the local store this evening. Had to get some gas.  Something to do with 5 or 6 trips to Lowe’s and a quarter-tank of gas.  Turtle girl was there. She’s always there in the evenings.  I told her I wanted exactly 5 gallons of gas.  She wasn’t amused.  “$2.64 9/10ths  multiplied by 5.” I mumbled.  “I know what the fuck it is”, she insisted.  I played with the flakey blue-ish green powder on my shirt. Remnants of the Cognetti biohazard lurking in their crawlspace below the laundry room.  I caught some of the powder in my fingernail and sniffed. Trying to determine if it was a mineral or maybe rat poison that mixed with the water. Turtle girl tapped a pen on the desk and said, “That’ll be $13.25″ I handed her a Cognetti $50 bill and winced as she marked it with the elusive brown marker.  Satisfied with its authenticity, she tucked it under the cash drawer and handed me the change.  She “bye, sweetheart”-ed me as I walked back to my truck.  I opened the gas cap and started pumping gas.  The pump slowed to a crawl and stopped at $1.  I played around with the pump thingy for a minute before I figured out she was fucking with me.  I walked back inside and the door was locked.  Turtle girl pointed to her wristwatch and shrugged.  I couldn’t hear her but her lips were saying, “We’re Closed”.   Fuckin bitch owes me $12.45.  I drove home and fully expected her to stop by and give me some money.  That was hours ago. She isn’t coming by.  Girls that flirt with me are forever stealing my money. They think that I think its funny.  I’m gonna worry about that $12.45 until I get it back.  And I’m thinking she has a 3 day weekend.

There is a lot to be said about working for yourself. I don’t have an employee handbook that defines my tasks and working conditions.  I just do whatever I feel like doing.  Yeah, I could be living a lot better than I do.  But I couldn’t possibly be more satisfied with my life.  Hell, I call all the shots. I make all the decisions.  At any given moment I can walk away.  Contrary to popular belief, that sort of circumstance only makes you tolerate twice as much shit as you’d take from a normal employer. Yeah, I’m looking at you, glimmer.  Today and last week I would have traded jobs with you.  Seriously.  I can type some shit on a keyboard. And I could do it on a Friday - even if it was a holiday. Shit, I’ll be working tomorrow.  I have 2 jobs that I need to be at.  Gonna hope it works out where I can do them both.  Already prioritized my obligations…the Cognetti job always supercedes the other jobs.

Suzanne cooked up a late-night snack of homegrown fried squash, green beans&ham, potatoes in some sort of gravy, and corn.  I wasn’t hungry, but that shit was GOOD. I might even have the same thing for breakfast.  And some coffee.  Lately I can drink all the coffee I see.

My dreams are some of the worst ones you’ll ever know.  Seems like every night I’m trying to escape from people that are out to kill me.  I always elude them. Usually just barely - and always because I’m smarter than the people looking to kill me.  I’ve made a million last-minute escapes.  I’ve sneakily killed fully half of the people out to get me.  Send a dozen people out to kill me in my dream…I’ll survive while I kill all of the mofos that got close to getting me.  Shit, I even kill the people that DID catch me.  Not sure why I don’t mind sleeping and dreaming.  Most mornings I wake up in sheer panic.  But I felt like I had a good night’s sleep.  It’s been a long time since I actually slept all night and woke up ready for a new day.  A long time.